just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
