awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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