i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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