dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
