I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
soo... how was my night?
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