Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
