I could make wine with my vomit
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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