First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize