Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
