A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
