Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
