No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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