is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
