Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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