can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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