the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
