I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
