then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
