My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
