im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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