I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
