how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
