I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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