come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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