She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
