Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
