I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
