I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
