I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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