Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
