Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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