She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
