The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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