So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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