tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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