That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
