margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.