I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
