soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???