I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i believe in u and ur pee
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