Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
