Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
