No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
