oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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