my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
