Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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