Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
