I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
