I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
