You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
