I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
