How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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