Screwed.edu
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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