I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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