thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
