a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
