Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
