Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
