I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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