wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
