He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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