HIV tests are more positive than that guy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
