My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
