Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
