people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
