My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
