That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
