Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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