Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
