I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she smelled like a LAN party
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
