Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
