seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
