Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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