You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
