I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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