you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
