i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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