Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
