tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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